Slim Pickin's

Postings may be a bit thin on the ground for a while as I am up to my eyeballs doing whatever it is I do.

Now I know you all will miss my wit, charm, fabulous sense of humour, my enigmatically winsome ways, the occasional deep pools of wisdom, LOL, that I spout forth , but never fear, I will be still popping in on the comments sections.

Conversations With Mum

I was at my mums house yesterday and the conversation went something like this:

Enigmas Mum
"You know Enigma, I was listening to the radio the other day, and that really nice vet , Dr Harry Neuter, was talking about how dangerous it is to feed your cats onions.'
He was saying that there is something in the chemicals in onions that doesn't agree with the chemicals in cats, and it can actually KILL them .
Your not feeding your cats onions are you?" *worried expression*

Enigma:
*rather amused*
"No Mum, I'm not feeding my cats onions, I do give them chopped up garlic in their food sometimes though , as its a natural parasite killer".

Enigmas Mum:
*eyes begging to glaze *
I really hope your not giving them onions, Enigma, Dr Neuter was really emphatic about it, he said onions can KILL them, and he said they could just drop down dead on the spot!!!!!

Enigma:
*trying to be patient*
"I didn't say I feeding them onions , Mum , I SAID I was feeding them garlic".

Enigmas Mum
*becoming agitated*
"Well , there has been five cat onion deaths already, its so serious they are about to do a public enquiry into it. Enigma I really thought you of all people would have been aware of it, they have been trying to educate the public about the danger, its been on Today Tonight, and Oprah has even done a show on it, how can you keep giving them onions when there has been such a scandal about it?
You really do have to keep up with current affairs more Enigma."

Enigma
*starting to loose patience*
Mum, listen to me, I'm not feeding them onions, I'm feeding them garlic, and I only give it to them about once a month anyway".

Enigmas mum
*beginning to panic*
How many onions have you given them? They could be ticking time bombs, they may drop dead at any moment! We have to call Dr Neuter straight away, *wringing hands and reaching for the phone*

Enigma ,
*loosing it*
MUM , I'M NOT FEEDING THEM BLOODY ONIONS!! I'm giving them GARLIC !!!

Enigmas Mum:
*subsiding back onto the lounge*
"Oh....Oh... Well , that's probably alright then Dear, just as long as you don't give them onions they should be fine".

A long pause whilst Enigma, and Enigmas Mum recover from the near onion tragedy
.
Enigma:
"Would you like a cup of tea, Mum?"

Enigmas Mum:
"Yes Dear, that would be lovely".

Mums cat follows Enigma into the kitchen and Enigma notices his food his bowl is empty

Enigma:
*calling from kitchen*
"Mum do you want me to feed the cat?"

Enigmas Mum:
"Yes Dear , I was just about to do it myself, but I forgot in all the excitement".

Enigma:
"Here's your food , Puddy Cat," spooning food into his bowl.

Suddenly there's a horrified scream from the lounge room,

DEAR GOD, YOUR NOT FEEDING HIM ONIONS ARE YOU!!!! ?

LA Mort D'Armour

When was it that love died? We were so fond,

So very fond a little while ago.
With leaping pulses, and blood all aglow,
We dreamed about a sweeter life beyond,

When we should dwell together as one heart,
And scarce could wait that happy time to come.
Now side by side we sit with lips quite dumb,
And feel ourselves a thousand miles apart.

How was it that love died? I do not know.
I only know that all its grace untold
Has faded into gray! I miss the gold
From our dull skies; but did not see it go.

Why should love die? We prized it, I am sure;
We thought of nothing else when it was ours;
We cherished it in smiling, sunlit bowers:
It was our all; why could it not endure?

Alas, we know not how, or when, or why
This dear thing died. We only know it went,
And left us dull, cold, and indifferent;
We who found heaven once in each other’s sigh.

How pitiful it is, and yet how true
That half the lovers in the world, one day,
Look questioning in each other’s eyes this way
And know love’s gone forever, as we do.

Sometimes I cannot help but think, dear heart,
As I look out o’er all the wide, sad earth
And see love’s flame gone out on many a hearth,
That those who would keep love must dwell apart.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox

Online text © 1998-2008 Poetry X. All rights reserved.
From Maurine and Other Poems | Gay and Hancock, 1910

Two Cows, A Country Bussines Story

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the
milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the
cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company,
using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the
bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated
general offer so that you get all four cows back,
with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an
intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly
owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights
to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows,
with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new President of the
United States,leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads,
because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called
'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.


A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years,
eat once a month, and milk themselves.


AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment,
and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you
and invade your country.
You still have no cows,
but at least now you are part of a Democracy...

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive


Donna Maria Taylor

Recreational Alien

What would you do if you were a Recreational Alien?

An Alien with too much time on your hands?

When your Alien weekends just drag on by.

Would you pop on in and do some really fruity crop circles?

Do burnouts with your space ship?

Write a film script?

Maybe abduct a human or too, just for kicks, because your young and bored?

And then ask your parents "Can I keep him? I promise to feed and clean up after him.

Plleeeaase can I keep him? Preeetttyyy Plleeaase?

And then have to go through the hassle of wiping his mind when your unhip Alien parents say "No You cant keep him! You know they'll grow up into big whiney things, they make a terrible mess, and they are never happy.

Look at what happened to the last one we got. Luckily when we dropped him back, he wrote that silly book, and no one believed him . Just because the neighbours have them doesn't mean we have to. When will you learn they cant be house trained?"

So there you are, your lean, your mean and your green, your parents don't understand you, your a Recreational Alien, tell me ,what would you do?

I am obviously a bored recreational Enigma at the moment.

Ps The best response to this question was from a non-blogging friend of mine, she said if she was a bored recreational alien shed start a blog.......food for thought for all the bloggers out there.

Floods

I never post anything personal here, its just my way, but today is an exception.

Today I watched our dam break its banks, roaring and gushing with unbelievable power, taking trees, an orchard and our tractor with it.

I watched our bridge wash out, huge trees swept down a river (which wasn't there an hour before) and our wharf disappear under 5 feet of water.

When it had subsided somewhat, I put on my gum boots, shorts , Akubra and Driz-a-Bone (Aussie raincoat) got in our jeep, and inspected the damage.

Luckily the damage isn,t extensive, we are not cut of, and our house is on top of a valley, so we are safe.

The force of nature is truly a breathtaking thing.

So to all you Aussies out there who are affected by the floods, I hope you are dry and safe.

The Shadow

Between the idea
And the reality
Between the motion
And the act
Falls the shadow

Between the conception
And the creation
Beween the emotion
And the response
Falls the Shadow

Between the desire
And the spasm
Between the potency
And the existence
Between the essense
And the descent
Falls the Shadow

An excerpt I love, by T S Elliot