A Miserable Life (back as a reminder)

Here are some handy tips to guarantee that your life is as miserable as it can possibly be

*Constantly think and talk about the past, preferably all the negative things. Even the positive things are a great way to make you feel miserable, they are gone, who knows if they will ever happen again.

*Define yourself by your age.

*Always be right.

*Never inquire into your thought processes, that would undo being right.

*Have most of your conversations revolve around what someone else did, and don't forget to judge them accordingly.

*Take everything, absolutely everything, including the weather, personally.

*Use the expressions "it isn't fair, and this shouldn't have happened" whenever something goes wrong and always find something to blame, including yourself

*Compare yourself to other people, positively or negatively , it doesn't matter which.

*Learn to react quickly , subjectively and emotionally to whatever happens .

*Cultivate the philosophy "if your not with me, your against me".

*Never forget who has hurt you, the first tip helps enormously with this.

*Treat your children and your partners as extensions of yourself.

*Expect people to think and feel exactly like you, and react with justified anger when they don't.

*React with even more anger when they do all of the above.

*Always do what you think is expected of you, never tell people how you really feel and then blow up in justifiable anger at how they are abusing you.

*Get into the habit of generalizing and putting people in boxes

*Expect people and life to never change.

*Use as your favourite expression "this is the way I am and I cant help or change it".

*Be defensive and evasive, after all if your honest, you, ll give the game away.

*Think that if someone loves you, they know what you are thinking and feeling.

*Spend hours trying to work out what someones motive is , come up with your own ideas, and treat them accordingly.

*Make sure that you are never kind or purposely back down from a fight with someone you don't like, it shows weakness.

*Cut people out of your life who don't agree with you.

*Blame everything in your life on external events, and when someone refuses to treat you as a victim, get really angry and call them unsupportive.

*Never learn anything new or meet different people.

*Surround yourself with people who actively practice these tips as a way of life, this helps perfect it . Remember misery loves company.

*Expect people to do things on your time frame.

*Pick unavailable romantic partners , be with them for years, use all of the reasons above why you cant leave them, and then do it all over with someone new.

*Regard every new relationship as "The One'.

*Have set rules, regulations and expectations on the relationship, if they don't fulfill them , ditch them , they weren't "The One", this nicely validates all the other techniques.

These are just a few handy hints, but even if you only do a few of them, a miserable life is guaranteed. And the beauty of this is it can only get worse.

Try it for two weeks, and if you don't feel like total shit by that time you can get your money back.

Enjoy