The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German which, was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.
The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.
There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.
In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.
Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.
Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking ze German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".
During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking ze German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.
PS. I didnt write this,I'm not that witty, it was emailed to me.
9 comments:
*chokin' on coffee*
LOL k.....I'm gonna haffta print this out and hand it to himself--who'll undoubtedly choke on his coffee.
No worries!
I know CPR!
:-)
snort, brilliant
hahahah, brilliant, this is what has happened every time someone has tried to impose Rules Of Language from above, absurdity, ridiculousness, she is a wild and living creature and should be treated with greatest respect, left to run free and evolve naturally, your piece is a brilliant funny take on that sscherioush idea, woohoo, cool bananas,
HA HA HA HA HA
Well, maybe not German, per se, but with a really tacky German accent. Or should I say akcent.
OMG! That is so funny! We tend to learn Spanish by osmosis over here because EVERYTHING is in English and Spanish. It pisses me right off.
Yep Guys, its very funny.
Oh I thought you wrote it, sorry, but pass on my congratulations to the chef,
i dont know who wrote it Ginga...i couldnt find the aurthor.
I've read this before, its very funny.
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