Conversations From the Other Side

(Disclaimer, please don't read this if you are suffering from a bereavement, it is not meant to be hurtful , and I understand all too well the grief that leads people to try and get some comfort from any means available).

Wombies last post about witches, reminded me that in my other life, I worked as a (quite well known) phycic, and people would ask me various stupid things. Like did I hear voices? Did I see things? I always told them I took medication for that, and particularly did I channel the dead?

And I would reply "No, and I don't do children's parties either "

But if I did channel the dead it would probably go something like this;

Wife-(Hermione)
"I just need to know if Horatio is alright, does he have any messages for me, is he O.K where ever he is?"

Me-*eyes crossing and glazing *
"Horatio is coming through, I can feel him around me.....hes coming.....he IS here, he does have something to tell you".

Hermione*leaning closer*
"What ? What does he want to say?'

Horatio- (through me)'
"He wants me to tell you he is happy and healthy"

Hermione - *suprised*
"Healthy? He weighed 240 kilos when he died, I nagged him all the time to go on a diet, and would he? NO,its what killed him. I told him he was a disgusting fat pig. But did he listen to me? No, he didn't" *strident voice* All he would say was "Yes dear'

Horatio- *slow ghostly voice*
"I lost all that weight , Hermione.I am now as slim as when we first married'.

Hermione -*peeved*
"Well I suppose that makes up for that looser dead end job you had".

Horatio.-* strong assured voice*
"I am now the director of a large multinational company, Hermione, my life is now one of abundance ".

Hermione, *getting really peeved*
"How on earth did that happen? A gutless unconfident looser like you? I told you all the time you had to be more aggressive, that it was a dog eat dog world, nice guys finished last, I even rang your boss for you, but nothing changed.

Horatio, * grave ghostly voice*
"All things are possible now Hermione."

Hermione*really pissed off*
Well, what else is happening? Do you have any friends there, I remember what a bunch of useless no hopers your friends were, I told you to get rid of them, but did you listen???? No , all you would say was "Yes Dear"

Horatio-
"I have many friends now Hermione."

Hermione- *angry*
"Well it sounds absolutely peachy for you, slim, lots of money, a great job, but I bet one thing hasn't changed, I bet you still cant get it up!!! *to me* I tried to put him on Viagra, but he said he wasn't interested, he said that because I weighed 350 kilos, it was uncomfortable for him. He always WAS a lazy selfish bastard."

Horatio, * preening *
"Actually Hermione, that has changed too. My twin 24 year old Playboy Bunnie friends have helped me with that little problem.They reckon I'm an absolute stud, and can't seem to get enough of me, it can get rather tiring though.

Hermione,
"Well , For Gods sake, arnt you interested in hearing anything about me???

Horatio
Yes Dear,

Hermione,* somewhat mollified*
Well, Horatio ,things haven't changed that much with me, I'm still working at the checkout, my legs still are swollen...I'm still smoking 3 packets a day, I still haven't moved out of the trailer park yet. I hoped to move with the money I got from your super...but that just seemed to disapear. I told you $500,00 wasn't enough super, but did you listen????

Horatio,
'Oh that a shame you havn,t moved from the trailer, Hermione. You would love the place I live in now, its on an island, a tropical paradise. Its like I always wanted, but never could afford because of your shopping addiction".

Hermione* screaming*
"Well , is there anything else you want to tell me about how bloody wonderful it is for you now that your dead!!!

Horatio- Yes ,Hermione there is,
I'M NOT DEAD!!!!